Twenty one

So, my 21st birthday isn't that far away now. I'm pretty excited, I mean, 21 is a big deal for anyone. It's not so much being able to drink (legally) that I'm excited about, it's more being able to go into whatever clubs, bars and pool halls that I feel like going into. Alcohol is just not that big a deal to me, really. I mean, being 21 will pretty much mean that I can do everything legally that I've been doing since I was 14, anyway, you know? My husband is going to try to get a three day weekend the weekend after my b-day (it falls on a Tuesday). We're thinking about going to Nashville for the weekend, which would just be such an awesome thing. It would be amazing if we could go to Memphis for the weekend, but it'd be harder to have any friends come down to party. I went to a strip club for the first time a couple weekends ago. I would have gone long ago, but the clubs in Maine are all 21+. Keith and Cris took me. It was awesome! I even got a lap dance. Mia was so hot. In any case, my 21st is going to be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. My husband doesn't drink, so I've got a built-in designated driver, which is awesome. He's only seen me drunk once or twice I think. I don't want to get obliterated on my 21st, but I'm sure I won't be walking straight. BUUUUUUT I'll be 21, and I can DO THAT. On my 21st, a Tuesday, I'm going to buy some champagne, which provides an awesome kinda drunk. That weekend is just going to blow so much out of the water, though. I'm so excited! My husband is such a sweetie, too, for coming up with the idea to make it a 3-day weekend and to take me to Nashville for it. Let's hope he gets the time off. I'm excited!
I'm going to be able to get in to whatever clubs and bars I want, and not have to worry about being surrounded by 14 year-olds if I pick the wrong club. It's going to be awesome. I love my husband sooooo much, and we're going to have a lot of fun. I hope Keith and maybe some other people come down to party with us, too. I'm going to be 21!!!! WOOHOO!

Sisterhood Can Be A Bitch

'Nuff Said.

The lovely Nora Roberts

So, I'm reading The Circle Trilogy by Nora Roberts. As many of her faithful fans know, she's also known as J.D. Robb, though the books she writes under that name are generally mystery-types, while her Nora Roberts works tend to be of the magical genre. While The Circle Trilogy is hardly the first of her writing that I've read, it enchants me at least as much as her other stories have. Not only is this woman an amazing and highly thorough writer, but the art she creates through her words is full of hope, light and beauty. While I fancy myself a writer of sorts, even had a poem published once by the infamous poetry.com, the sheer volume of her work impresses and amazes those of us who understand the amount of concentration and effort it takes to create something of any kind of quality. She's got an amazing amount of work out there, and, of all of her work that I've read, it is truly impressive. While many people my age would trip over themselves to meet Britney Spears, Marilyn Manson, or whatever musician they happen to be enthralled with, Nora Roberts would be the person I'd be most interested in coming face-to-face with. I'd love to find out just how she's able to find inspiration for her work and such. She's very impressive.

A Child Of The Universe

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars. You have a right to be here." -part of the Desiderata, by Max Ehrman. This quote is on my Uncle Tommy's grave. Thomas Kenneth Kearns. He passed when my mother was thirteen years old, long before she'd ever dreamt of having children, and many years before she met the man who would become my father. Uncle Tommy was 18 when he died in a fatal car accident. Clearly, I never met the man. Everything I've heard of him, and the little of his poetry and music that I've read, have given me this almost bizarre connection to him. He is the only member of my mother's family that people immediately see in me. He had the same hair color as my natural color, the same cheekbones and jawline... I am sad to have not met him. He was a beautiful person, undoubtedly. I can't help but wonder about him. I've heard so many stories of what a wonderful man he was... Isn't it so easy to speak kindly about the dearly departed though? I've no doubt of his kindness, nor of his intelligence, grace or talent. I simply wonder who he was on the days people don't remember? It is odd to me that I feel such a strong sense of missing a person I never knew...
It is wondrous to me to think of all the people who somehow changed my life, helped to sculpt me in some way. Still more, though, it amazes me that with nearly twenty-one years behind me, and with so many people who touched my life and heart, I am nearly at a total loss when it comes to explaining who I am, what defines this soul. Most notably, Daddy Bob, who was the one to not only tell me, but show me that there are no limits, no confines to what the human spirit can achieve. I am lost as to who I am, as to what it is I am here to achieve. It is far to close to four in the morning for my tastes, but these are the thoughts that keep my mind from rest it greatly needs. I am an army wife, but that in no way defines me, it simply shapes the lifestyle I am required to live. My past gives few clues as to who I am, as so much of it has been outlined by requirements, needs and insistence's of others. So many lifestyles, ideals, morals and beliefs call out to me, but I have yet to find that which touches the very core of my being, that which puts who I am on display in the most honest and supportive light possible. It seems to me that there is an answer to all my questions just so slightly out of my reach....

Flight Of The Phoenix: Revolution

Saturday, I began the process of getting my most symbolic, as well as my largest, tattoo to date. Johnny, at Queen Of Hearts Tattoo in Nashville, TN has designed the most beautiful image of a phoenix I've ever seen. Per request from me, she has a banner in her mouth with the word REVOLUTION printed on it. This tattoo, number twelve in my still-growing collection, covers my left arm from shoulder to elbow. The line work alone took roughly four hours. This tattoo is a huge symbol of how far I've come, of re-creating myself, of survival, rebirth, and of the inner beauty I hope to achieve. It's been a long road. I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance at the tender age of eleven. I found out roughly a month and a half ago that this was an incorrect, or, at best, misinformed, diagnosis- I will be twenty-one in two months. I have been living with an inaccurate diagnosis for nearly a decade. I have been on more medications than I can count, or remember. Had I not married my husband, Cris, and returned to TN when he came home from a deployment, I may very well have never learned of this misdiagnosis. I have been off of medication for nearly seven weeks now, and am feeling better than ever, and finally beginning to feel in control of my own life. My parents have mixed feelings on the subject, but my husband is more supportive than I ever could have dreamed anyone could be. I am increasingly happy and proud of myself. This tattoo is a symbol of independence, of hope, of growth... And a true reminder of the strength from within, as well as the support from the man that loves me.