A Child Of The Universe

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars. You have a right to be here." -part of the Desiderata, by Max Ehrman. This quote is on my Uncle Tommy's grave. Thomas Kenneth Kearns. He passed when my mother was thirteen years old, long before she'd ever dreamt of having children, and many years before she met the man who would become my father. Uncle Tommy was 18 when he died in a fatal car accident. Clearly, I never met the man. Everything I've heard of him, and the little of his poetry and music that I've read, have given me this almost bizarre connection to him. He is the only member of my mother's family that people immediately see in me. He had the same hair color as my natural color, the same cheekbones and jawline... I am sad to have not met him. He was a beautiful person, undoubtedly. I can't help but wonder about him. I've heard so many stories of what a wonderful man he was... Isn't it so easy to speak kindly about the dearly departed though? I've no doubt of his kindness, nor of his intelligence, grace or talent. I simply wonder who he was on the days people don't remember? It is odd to me that I feel such a strong sense of missing a person I never knew...
It is wondrous to me to think of all the people who somehow changed my life, helped to sculpt me in some way. Still more, though, it amazes me that with nearly twenty-one years behind me, and with so many people who touched my life and heart, I am nearly at a total loss when it comes to explaining who I am, what defines this soul. Most notably, Daddy Bob, who was the one to not only tell me, but show me that there are no limits, no confines to what the human spirit can achieve. I am lost as to who I am, as to what it is I am here to achieve. It is far to close to four in the morning for my tastes, but these are the thoughts that keep my mind from rest it greatly needs. I am an army wife, but that in no way defines me, it simply shapes the lifestyle I am required to live. My past gives few clues as to who I am, as so much of it has been outlined by requirements, needs and insistence's of others. So many lifestyles, ideals, morals and beliefs call out to me, but I have yet to find that which touches the very core of my being, that which puts who I am on display in the most honest and supportive light possible. It seems to me that there is an answer to all my questions just so slightly out of my reach....