SQUARE

Saturday, December 22, 2007


8:19 PM - Square
Current mood: accomplished

Life is what happens when you're making other plans. I know I say this quite frequently, and I probably have half a dozen other blogs that have that line in them, but it strikes me often how true that is. Chaos and confusion wrack my brain frequently, but I've finally realized what I've been telling everyone else all along- if it can't be controlled, it shouldn't be worried about. What's the point? I don't understand what I should be doing or how things will go, which makes me worry, but I'd rather enjoy the moment I live in than to lose this moment because I'm so busy fearing the next. If I can hold on to that frame of mind I will be much better off! Today was not the easiest of days, not by far, but I held my tongue when it was required of me, I kept my patience and military bearing, and rolled on. I accomplished a few things I needed to do, and had some fun. It was not an easy day, but it was a good day. I find myself still learning to balance the many aspects of my own personality- the hard with the soft, the loud with the quiet- and that keeps the challenges coming. I've thought a great deal of my Native blood recently, and have tried to find ways to remind myself of all that those blood lines represent to me. Discipline, pride, loyalty, strength... I know it's not exceptionally apparent to most that I have Native American blood, though some recognize it, but it is what I feel most strongly connected to. I tell people sometimes I am 'half cowboy and half indian' as I am a mutt when it comes to blood. My gypsy and native blood are what drive me most, and I like to think that the qualities those people represent in my mind are those I demonstrate most, though who really knows what another sees. My patience has been tested today, as it is most days in one form or another, yet I kept it together. I am proud of myself for how far I have come, and know that I will not stop here. I will continue climbing these mountains until there are no more mountains to climb.