Playing The Fool, Playing The Victim, Playing Myself

Growing up around mixed messages confuses you for the rest of your life, ask any woman.
I remember my Daddy explaining something to me as a young adult- I couldn't have been more than 12, if that, at the time. He told me that the parent of the opposite gender will dictate to a child what they're supposed to be, while the parent of the same gender shows the child how they should be that. It'd take me weeks to adequately explain why I agree so completely with this, as it's been at least 12 or 13 years that I've spent processing it and understanding it. Let's just say, my parents were two signals that, mostly, didn't so much as cross paths, never mind complement each other. Each did their best, but, well, what I knew I wanted to be and what I should be, and what I was being shown... were not the same thing.
It's taken me a lot of years to understand and come to terms with the fact that the path my mother is on will only lead to her own demise. The chaotic and often painful thoughts that I've had to come to grips with on the way to this understanding are overwhelming. The realization that I believed I was going to be no more than she was- well, that was hell to overcome. My mother, whether diagnosed or not, has been an alcoholic for, well, probably at least as long as I've been alive. Her father died of this, and I still couldn't tell you what her mother passed from, despite my best efforts to find out. Loneliness, I imagine, as much as anything else.
It's been nearly a year sober, with, admittedly, a few slips on my part. Frankly, even with the slips, that's a hell of an accomplishment. It's getting easier, too. I spend less of my emotion being angry at the struggle and more of it remembering why I don't want to go back to that.
Last night... something clicked in my head. I was raised being taught how to play the victim. Nothing was my fault, I couldn't help it, all the bad things were bound to happen to me, I had no control over it. (Chap, cover your eyes.) BULLSHIT! Granted, my behavior has come a long way since I saw that sort of attitude in my actions, much thanks to my ex-husband being the first person to genuinely tell me, no, you screwed up and you are responsible for that. (Yes, I'm truly grateful to have been married, to him, even if it wasn't what I wanted forever.) Now, here's the kicker- I still do the same crap in relationships. I get attached to the men I know I can't/shouldn't have, so that when it all goes to hell, it couldn't have been my fault, it was bound to happen. I stayed with a man who had fed me a huge lie, and had no intention of telling me about it, even after I found out about it. It couldn't have worked, because I lost all trust in this man, on top of the fact that it was a relationship I had to hide.
There's been a string of the same over the last few months, specifically. I'm sure if I cared to delve into it, it probably goes back farther, but the here n now is a little more relative to what I need to focus on. (It's 1 AM, the words are not coming like they should, so don't judge my grammar, please.)
Now that I see where I am struggling in my relationships, here's the bigger question; Do I want to try one for real?
...If I ever figure this out, I'll be sure to let you know. Meanwhile, there's a very sweet friend who insists he's not going to back off, because he likes me too much. I wonder if there'll ever be enough wrong with him for me to accept him. Hm.