Preoccupation Of The Heart

I've never been one to be stuck on a man. If I can have him and I want him, he's mine, if one or the other isn't there, I'm not about to waste my time. Then again, there's no one else like Mike. I've known Mike for damn near three years now, and we've had no problems, no fights through all of that. We don't always agree, of course, but we both handle ourselves like adults when it comes to those things. I've never lied to him, and, to my knowledge, he's never lied to me. The catch is, we've been talking via telephone and internet since we met. Yesterday morning, at seven o'clock, he got into town after a long drive from up north. I met him in the mall parking lot, and I hugged him and he hugged me and for the next 26 hours nearly all was right in the world. I had the best day in the history of my existence. The memories I have from that one day just astound me. There were no roses, no candle-lit dinners, no walks in the moonlight... But the absolute love and compassion I have had in my heart for this man blossomed in ways that should scare me, should make me turn and run. He's not ready for a relationship, and, until I started realizing my feelings for him, I didn't think I was, either... I trust this man implicitly. He is the most redneck, bizarre, foul-mouthed and goofy person I've ever met. It just so happens that he is also the man that made me feel more loved in a period of 26 hours than other people have been able to in periods of months or years. I love the woman I am when I'm with him. I can be so uptight, so overly emotional, so stressed, and he just flipped a switch somewhere and I was the person I've wanted to be. I was goofy, random, open, trusting, happy... He's not ready for this. I won't push him into a situation he's not ready for. I don't want anyone else, though. Never before has my heart been stuck on someone out of my reach, but it doesn't seem silly or stupid or risky to me now. Mike would never intentionally hurt me, and he's always there for me. He's never broken a promise to me. I'm not sure there's much he wouldn't do to help me. He knows more than damn near everyone about me. I got an email today from the last person I went out on a date with, apologizing for some innappropriate behavior, and basically saying he wanted a second chance... He can be a nice guy, good looking, so on. Frankly, though, he could look like Johnny Depp and act like Casanova with as much money as Bill Gates, I don't want anyone else. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope that never changes. He's had a six year relationship destroyed right before his eyes by the woman (girl) he'd spent so much time with, and is questioning the paternity of the child she carried and he named. I can't blame him. I understand all too well what betrayal feels like. I can't ignore what I felt when I was with him, what my heart is telling me... He may not be ready, I mean, hell, I'm not even sure I am to be honest, but I love him, and I can't- and WON'T- change that. If all we're meant to be is friends, that's okay, because I'm truly blessed to have him in my life in any capacity. However, at this point, he's all I want, and I will wait until I either know this is not meant to be, he would be happier without me in his life in that capacity or, really, until I have him and can prove to him that I am the woman that he wants, and the one that will always be there for him. I don't intend to ever lose his friendship, though. I respect him so much and have NO intentions of giving him anything to be worried about. I love this man, whatever the risk.