LOVE?!

Well, I've really gone and done it now. I've fallen in love. This is so damned scary- and so entirely not part of the plan. I told him I love him last night, and that is a story unto itself... We watched this preview for a movie coming out made my soldiers in Iraq, and the thought of him deploying again someday damn near made me sick... This isn't an impending situation, this is a someday eventually thing, and I freaked out. Hardcore. It was the utter, stabbing, gut-wrenching fear that made me realize that there was no way to force it back until the guidelines Id tried so hard to stick to could be followed. I looked at him and whispered the words that terrify me more than any others- those scary, weakening, damning words... We kind of stared at each other for a moment and then he got this really shocked, somewhat embarrassed look on his face, and said 'Baby, I'm not sure I heard you. What did you say?' I got so embarrassed, grabbed the first thing I saw that needed to go into the kitchen trash and attempted to make a beeline for the kitchen. He grabbed my legs and hung on for dear life as I laughed and tried to make it to the kitchen anyway. Right in front of our front door, where the kitchen tile meets the living room/hallway carpet, I hit the floor, laughing so hard tears came to my eyes. We lay there in hysterics for a few moments, then I pinned him to the floor and told him, once and for all, that I love him. We must both be insane, but it was the funniest, sweetest, and in a weird way, most romantic thing in the world to me. A few days ago, I had some country music playing on his laptop when he came home from work. I was in the bedroom doing something, and he came in. I gave him a hug, standing there in the doorway, and Paint Me A Birmingham came on. It's not really a falling-in-love song, it's more of a broken heart song, but next thing I knew, the two of us were dancing in the doorway of the bedroom to it. I smile every single time I think of it. He's just so ridiculously sweet. This morning he took a picture of me asleep. I get scared sometimes, and wonder if- or when- I'm going to get my heart broken by this man... Then he does the simplest, sweetest things that he thinks nothing of and I know he truly loves me. Last night I was lying with my head on his chest and my hand on his other shoulder, and, just about the time he started to snore quietly, he reached up, wrapped his fingers around my arm and just held on like he never wanted to let me go. He was asleep! How do you argue with the thought that even the parts of him that I dont see when hes awake want me there with him? I'm so lucky and so, so proud of him. This was never supposed to happen at all, much less this way... Damn it, though, I wouldn't change it for anything, even when I'm terrified.