The Awakening

I'm lying in bed at 0730 in the morning, awake too early and looking over pictures of last night. It was definitely wild- I'll tell you now, medical party like nobody else- but among all the pictures of NCO's and soldiers I've come to know, and some I really look up to, the most monumental event of my night last night doesn't have any pictures to go along with it.
Right now, I'm already seeing that my now-legendary explanation of something without giving too many details is going to be harder than I'd expected. Bear with me.
Last night, after the Chusok (Korean Thanksgiving/4th of July type celebration) Potluck, Iman, Megan and I went over to a good old throw-down Powerhouse BBQ. It was unofficially Powerhouse, but we're a family if any unit is. Spades, dominoes, a few rounds of drinks, 4 sodas and a bottle of water for me, and a whole lot of madness ensued. It was a really good time.
The Heathens were, naturally, representing. I can't help but feel at home when my family is there. Those guys have always been people I looked up to, and last night may have just sealed that one for me. I could b!tch, moan and whine about past leadership I've had and use that as an excuse for the reason I turn to these guys, and some of the whining may be justified, but, the thing is, these guys have just had my back. That's really where it started. I know no matter how crazy things get, my big brother has my back. I've knocked on doors at three and four in the morning, and had these people there for me. Last night, a lot of life lessons- and Army Life lessons- were floating around in my head after these last few, very rough, weeks. All these things were disconnected and just unable to process. So, I end up sitting there, talking to Top for a minute. For all of you who don't know, he is someone to be respected and that's clear from the jump. You won't meet another senior NCO who's going to be so straight up with you and still take the reins without flinching. He is the shit, and ya'll just need to accept that and carry on. Anyway, we got to talking about him being a drill sergeant at one point, and, in the process of telling me his story, I had connections dropped in between all of those lessons floating around loose in my head.
It got me to seeing the forest for the trees.
I've been struggling, my friends. I've been struggling with this Army thing for a long time now, much longer than I realized. Everyone knows I love this crap. I can't be sane to enjoy this like I do. However, doing the good ol' 9 to 5 sounds more like a prison sentence than a career choice to me, so I'm going to stick to my Hooah Hooah Day Job. I love this, but loving something doesn't always make it easier, even if it makes it easier to want to accomplish. I'm retention, BOSS, and running a clinic. I'm proud of what I do on paper, but the day-to-day of it was playing with my head a bit. I was burning out, and didn't understand why. I'm never going to be the easiest soldier to lead, because I'm hard-headed, and I want to know why things are run the way they are because I want to be able to run them. I am a leadership challenge, but I refuse to let one person say I am a bad soldier. I have more heart than some small countries, and I refuse to give up on my dreams. I have some truly outstanding mentors. I am going to take advantage of that every way I can to make myself better for my soldiers. I've got a good start, but I've been letting too much peripheral nonsense cloud my vision, and talking to Top just got me back on track, made me see where I'm standing now, and made me realize what I've got and what to do with it. You won't hold me back, oh no, cuz I was born to run this.