Introspection

Yes, there were a lot of reasons I chose to end it with Ryan.
There are also plenty of reasons I'm doubting myself right now.
I keep reminding myself it wasn't a snap judgment, and that I thought it over and talked it over, and that it made sense, it was the correct thing logically.
My heart hurts no less for this conclusion.
He's one of my oldest friends, and I hurt him.
I won't forgive myself for that, and I know this.
It's just a fact of life that I've always been my own worst critic.

I feel lost right now, as to what I want and need in my life.
It may have been the right choice, but it still forced me into a position where, more than ever, I need to take a step back and look at what I'm doing and why.
At the same time, learning to live in the moment is something I desperately need to learn how to do. DESPERATELY.

I had two drinks Saturday night. This was the first time I've drank in 6 months. I didn't get drunk, honestly, I barely caught a buzz. However, I noticed the effect on my mood, anyway. I'm more confident and much happier sober. I'm proud that I was able to have two drinks amongst family without getting out of control. It's not something I want to do again, though. I've been feeling like I was going to slip up and drink for a while now. I did it around family, though, as I said, when I was with my big brother, and I knew, without a doubt, I had nothing to worry about. It was a learning experience, I guess.

None the less, I'm grateful to have the friends & family I do. I know my back is always covered, and I have not forgotten what my friends are worth. Thank you guys.