Fresh

It's nice to have a fresh start sometimes. Granted, four consecutive fresh starts tends to be a bit much, but, none the less, it's not a bad thing to have the opportunity to make the most of these. There's so many things that I can see have changed about me, within me. It's nice to be able to see that. It's both fortunate and unfortunate that I know I will never be satisfied with where I'm at. It's fortunate that I know it, unfortunate that it will always be such a struggle for me. It's not a bad thing in the big picture that I always have a bigger goal in mind, but in the moment, well, it can be frustrating to have such a hard time being really present. I can't help but wonder if that struggle is what keeps me unsatisfied in relationships, or if it's simply that I haven't gotten to that one person yet.
I've set a couple goals for myself. After I leave here, of course, I'm going to Ft Hood. There's very little doubt in my mind I'll be deploying in short order. After I return from my deployment, I'll probably be closing in on being eligible for the e6 board. I'll drop my Drill Packet when I get back. I'll be 25 or maybe 26 by this point, and Drill Duty is a three year commitment. Now, there's always the 'Life is what happens when you're making other plans' side to this, but I'm happy that I have a plan I believe I'll enjoy, something more focused on my career, and less focused on boys and children. If someone comes along in the midst of all of this, well, I'll just have to adjust fire to the change in circumstances. I'm not going to keep looking for something, though. Love is a beautiful thing, but it also take a lot of energy, and, right now, I'm not in a place where I'm wanting to settle down too much. I'm happy being my heathen self, and moving forward, growing. I have plenty of time to get married and raise children. Frankly, if that never happens, I'll be okay with it, so long as I haven't wasted all my time looking for it. I'd rather just live life and experience the world, have my adventures, and put my faith in God to lead me to what it is I'm meant to do, see and be.
I'm young, I'm still learning, but I AM learning.
My new favorite quote:
"You have to be willing to be happy about nothing." -Andy Warhol