The Fine Art Of Being A Lady

So, I'm reading two books right now, as is my habit. One is specific to my belief system (Hour Of The Dawn, a biography on The Bab) and the other is... well, interesting. It's called A God Who Hates, and is written by Wafa Sultan, a Syrian-turned-American, who was raised Muslim. While I've had a fit every time I heard people point at religion as a terrorist trademark, this writer has a very unique perspective on the whole of the Muslim/Islamic world and culture.
Above and beyond the religious implications of all of this, I'm having a hard time consolidating some things, as much within myself as culturally.
My faith tells me, and I've always believed, that women and men are equals. However, the Muslim faith believes, of course, that nothing could be farther from the truth. While, obviously, I don't agree with that, something I've been having trouble with for many years now is the roles in relationships. While men and women are equal, in my eyes, that doesn't necessarily mean they are exactly the same, of course. I'm trying to understand... what the hell the roles are supposed to be... I don't expect to be treated as less than my partner, but I don't necessarily think that being the fragile one is out of the question. Women have strengths, inherently, I think that males can't relate to. I've always seen the woman as the morally strong, emotionally aware and spiritually grounding half of the relationship. I guess my perspective is just that- my perspective. It doesn't necessarily apply to others.
I just need to figure out how this all applies to me, though.
I don't mind being a little, and I hate to use this word for it's connotations, but submissive, in a relationship with someone I know is with someone I can trust to keep my best interests at heart. Maybe I just need to find the right person, I don't know. I'm kind of tough to handle sometimes... but I'm learning to trust people, no matter how much work it's taking- and it IS taking a lot of work- and I really think I'm getting a lot better. I'm not ready to let anyone in yet, but I'm getting there. I need someone who's patient, I need someone who's not going to push me into anything... I'm not ready to give myself to someone yet. I don't know when I will be. I know I can be a good woman to someone worth it, eventually.
I want someone to be patient. I want someone to be willing to wait. I want someone who believes what I do, or is at least open to it. I want someone ambitious and hard-working, but who believes in putting their family and loved ones first.
I'm really hoping I find this.

In other news, I'm staying at the Dragon tonight, and I got a free upgrade. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but I have a feeling it had something to do with the sweet male I spoke to on the phone the other day when I had to change the reservations. He was very kind, much nicer than most of the people I've spoken to on the phone for reservations. He made it easy to be nice, which I try to do with people, because, frankly, you never know where the other guy is coming from.
I'm getting my nails n feet done tomorrow, n considering getting braids done here, though I might wait til Saturday for that. Bones says it'll look good, though I was surprised someone who likes my hair so much was that supportive. He's really sweet, and I'm really appreciating how kind he is. It's a nice change from the aggressive attitudes I'm surrounded by so much of the time. Slim is slowly opening up to me, though I'm still not sure if I want to trust him or not. Then again, I'm not sure if I want to trust anyone right now. I'm trying, but I'm just not good at this stuff.
Keep Your Head Up 2Pac Shakur...
"I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you're fed up ladies, but keep your head up"

My song right now...