Trust

I have a few friends in my life right now that I am truly grateful for.
I am learning to trust people. You want to know what the hardest thing to learn as an adult is? Screw a second language. Trust is a &(%@^ to learn.
Slim has done all he knows how to prove to me he's not after a piece of ass, but every time he comes near me, I tense up. I feel threatened at all times, and can't open up to him face-to-face at all. When he's around, I feel like I'm just waiting for him to leave. Then we talk on the phone, and I can say what was on my mind all along. I don't understand it, or me.
Then there's Mr. Seductive. He'll know who he is. One of the best looking men I've ever seen, but it hasn't been "like that" with us since we met. Of course, I had a boyfriend then, but we'd just rather hassle each other than actually flirt, I guess. I don't know. I talked to him on the phone for quite some time tonight, though, and we actually talked. He opened up to me about things that had happened in his past. I guess I didn't say much in retrospect, about his obstacles, but it felt really good to have someone try to relate to what I've been through without doing the 'not that it's as bad as what you've been through' crap that I hate so much. He just spoke, he was just real with me. So, I didn't have anything to hide from him, either. It's been a while since a guy opened up to me. Granted, Mr. Seductive is just a friend- and that's more than likely all he'll ever be, and that's just fine- but it made me realize that someone to talk to me was something I've wanted more than someone who'd listen to me.
And now I have two men in my life that I'm not afraid to fall asleep next to. Bones and 'Zo are both really good dudes, and I'm grateful to have them in my life. I know where 'Zo stands, homeboy has more than enough going on in his life, he doesn't need a woman complicating things further, but Bones.... Well, I like the dude. I just don't know how long it'll be before he tries something, or if that point will come before I can explain to him where I'm coming from.
I'm learning how to trust people- and finally getting the idea as to WHEN to trust people- but this isn't easy. I'm not ready for things to be more than this, yet, but life inevitably moves at it's own pace, without waiting for anyone.
People who know what they're talking about have told me repeatedly to make someone wait for me, and if they're not willing to, they're not worth it... I just can't help but wonder how many losses it'll require before I find the one who's willing to wait.
In this world of instant gratification, nobody wants to wait for something they haven't seen for themselves is worth the wait, by their standard.
I'm not ready to open up like that... And no one is coming inside until I am.