Soul Song

I'm frustrated, but trying to remain patient. Every day, lately, it seems I must start again. Forgiving myself has always been quite difficult for me. This is nothing new. It's more frustrating, though, to me that when I slip and revert back to old ways, I tend to do it almost completely. It is much harder to undo that kind of slip than a smaller one. It is much more painful, as well. I know who it is I want to be, but being that person is so difficult. In my friend Jerry's words, well, "That's why it's right".
I don't believe in drinking, and that crap is more done than it ever was before. Whether or not I want to admit it, I was a f'ing alcoholic. Dealing with the tremors after one night of being drunk, I can't even deny that crap.
Once again, I haven't been praying like I should, despite personal goals to do at least one Obligatory Prayer per day.
It is more clear to me than ever before that I need to be single for a while. I don't know how long, honestly, but I am more dependent on people than I should be. Community is one thing but an absolute need not to be alone is not okay. There's someone who I really liked that I'm relatively sure I got blown off by, which sucks, but I'm done stressing about anyone willing to lie to me. I don't care. I may be difficult at times, and make the occasional dumb choice, but I'm not going to accept that it's okay to walk on me. Screw that.
Another post to follow shortly.