Darkness and Right

I'm torn beyond belief.
I can stick it out with someone my gut tells me is going to hurt me, after not sticking it out this far ever before and risk everything or, well, not.
Some days I think I can do anything.
Today, well, it's going to take some convincing.
My heart is hurting, I am painfully tired, and just feeling weak in general.
I have a PT test this coming Monday.
I've got a lot of work to do.
I'm not sure how well I'll do on the PT test, and I need to be double-timing the correspondence courses and studying for the board. I really need a good PT score for promotion points, but, hell, my profile doesn't expire til Wednesday. There's a PT test being given Monday, though, and I need to take one. I don't think I'll get too much more ready than I am before the winter gets truly painfully cold.
I have to pull some motivation and bearing out of somewhere, today, and I'm just not sure where I'm going to find it.
Lots of prayers today. Lots of water. Probably more than a little Motrin, too.