Back To God

The man and I hit a bump tonight. I love him, but I don't handle my PTSD or anything that reminds me too much of past heartbreak well. I don't know where he is or what he's doing tonight. So, I sit in my room, relaxing and getting back to parts of me that I'd neglected lately. I got my toes n nails done today, and I'm listening to Baha'i music as I relax. I am probably taking off tomorrow morning for Seoul. The boyfriend hasn't called me at all tonight, and it's on his cue now, because I don't want to do all the chasing. He's very good to me, but men tend to take things for granted when they don't have to work for them, and, well, I feel a little neglected right now. He's n0t inconsiderate or rude, as a rule, though he's had his moments, but this just wasn't how I thought it would be, I suppose. Not to say I've had any chivalry or romance in my life in quite some time, but it wouldn't be a horrible thing just now. I miss feeling like a lady, instead of someone's old lady. So, tonight, I take care of me, I pray, I watch a movie, do some cleaning, and relax. I want to see my friend Casey, but I think it's better that I take tonight for myself, even if I miss out on that. Besides, you never know when the sadness is going to strike and things just get so crazy after that...
Chappy n I had a good talk today. I guess breaking down at work is starting to be a lil more apparent than I'd like. The PTSD is bothering me, and my temper just seems so out of control sometimes. I'm a happy person, I hate that this keeps interfering with what I'm trying to do. I need to pray a lil extra tonight, because God is surely trying to guide me today, I've seen it here and there, but it is still so hard to follow Him sometimes.