Gypsy Risk

So, here I am, sitting in Korea, engaged to a man I've known since I was 19 years old, who, well, isn't in Korea. It's strange the way things work out, isn't it?
I ran across my old journal from basic training the other day. I was 21 then, and newly divorced. I had met Ryan shortly after I was married, and, yes, found myself having feelings for him quickly. He was respectful, though, of my marriage, and never let it get too far, though we were close friends. It was easy enough to see how I felt- I never have been to good at hiding my feelings- but I returned to Maine, where he lives, a few months after the divorce. After a blow out with my mother, I ended up staying with him for the rest of my time there. I think that was when it solidified for me that I had feelings for him. He told me how much he'd liked being married, he cooked for me, and was just genuinely there for me.
For someone that resembles Sasquatch, he has a lot of love in that big, bloody heart of his.
Taking care of him (or attempting to, at least) when he had to go to the hospital for one of many kidney stones he's had, and the nurse referred to me as his girlfriend (and neither of us corrected her) just did something to me. Mind you, I left a date on the beach to take him to the hospital. It was worth it.
When I decided to join the Army, he asked me not to several times. I suspected he had feelings for me then, but he wouldn't admit to it. He wouldn't tell me why he didn't want me to join. Eventually, I linked it with something he had told me about his past, and then was that much more sure he had feelings for me. I got injured in basic training, and came home on con leave- and, again, found myself staying with him for part of it. Staying with him further drove my feelings for him, and it was becoming more apparent that I wasn't alone in them. It drove me nuts, though, because he seemed so much like the eternal bachelor that it just tore at my heart. None the less, we have kept in touch. Once I got to South Korea, we frequently and repeatedly found ourselves talking about getting married.
I had a few conditions, though, because I have no intention of being divorced twice, and there are some things that are just better for the big picture. I asked a lot of him. He is capable of anything, I believe this in my heart, and now that he has proven that, and now that I am in a place where I am ready, we are engaged. I am marrying him. People say they married their best friend- and now I'm starting to understand.
Marriage is always a risk, though, and I know that. I've been divorced more than 2 years now, and have only just fully healed from it, truthfully. I know the risks, I know the chances. I'm about to be the sponsor, the wife, the provider- and have two stepchildren. The kids are nearly grown, anyhow, and live with their mother. It's not like there will be a huge amount of weight on my shoulders because of the children, besides, they're great kids, anyway. Ryan's wild streak may be in both of them, but neither have been in trouble, and both of them are just tremendously smart and talented.
Ryan and I have been using the "L" word for years. It's nothing new or surprising.
It does, however, make me very, very happy.
His skills as a tattoo artist mean he can work anywhere, he'll do just about anything for me, and he loves me.
It doesn't hurt that he can cook, too.
:-)
I'm getting married!