Broken

I'm breaking down again today.
It's happening too often for me to keep pretending it's the exception instead of the rule.
There is something wrong with me.
I do the PTSD stuff regularly now. Hell, it's been almost weekly lately.
It's not getting any better.
I keep doing this over and over and over.

An email I wrote to a good friend:
I think there must be something wrong with me.All the counselors say they're surprised I'm doing as well as I am, but when I keep falling apart like this over and over, how the hell am I even doing well enough to survive, nevermind doing well?! Last minute changes throw me into an instant mood swing if they are too big. Having people push me when I'm already doing my best (like this morning) and not getting recognized for working my ass off just sends me into full-on tail spin. I burst into tears in the middle of work over crap that shouldn't even matter to me. I can't keep people at a distance when I want to. There is something horribly wrong with me that I just can't seem to control.I take the damned happy pills, but, dammit, I'm not happy. I always carry a knife on me, in uniform, usually a pocket knife and a gerber. Today I left both. I don't trust myself with one the way I feel. I feel out of control and I don't know what to do about it. I'm scared. This isn't the first time, and I can't keep pretending this feeling is the exception instead of the rule. I don't know what to do.

I'm on the medications. I'm doing everything I can at work. I don't think there was a day this last week I didn't do something physically demanding enough to be called excercise. I'm eating better than I was. I'm trying, dammit.
I don't think I can be fixed.
I love the Army, but I have to question if this is what I should be doing with my life if I'm like this. If this will never get better, I shouldn't be trusted to be responsible for others the way the Army expects. No matter what I want from myself, or for myself, this is reality.
The truth hurts.
I have no clue what to do.