Coping?

I'm not sure how to handle everything.
I'm tired, I'm lonely, and I've got more crap buzzing around in my head than I know how to handle.
I miss Ashton, but I know it's a bad idea to even consider trying things again. There were too many things that cut too deeply when we were together. I don't know how to handle someone who feels it's their place to tell me what I can put in my body. I don't know how to handle a relationship that feels unbalanced. I don't even have the first clue how to handle the $50 bottle of cologne I bought him, because it was a bad call on my part. I should know better than to spend my money on gifts for a man who hasn't even managed to stick around a month. What a waste.
I'm angry at myself and people in general right now. I feel more or less abandoned at this point. The people I'd trusted most are the people that have hurt me the deepest. I'm already tired and burnt out from all I've had going on, and really have no one to help me share the burden. The PTSD hasn't been this bad in years. I got 4 hours of sleep Saturday night, and that's the most I've gotten in a night since... Saturday night- the 4th of July. Ouch. 3 hours a night is becoming the norm, and nightmares have come back tenfold. I'm actually frightened of going to sleep now. I dread trying. I know sleep won't come for hours after I lie down, and, when it does, it will be filled with the classic replays of the rapes, the memories of things I shouldn't have seen as a kid, and whatever new concoction my ridiculously overactive imagination has come up with recently. The other night, it was Korean soldiers in my room, fighting. They couldn't see me, but they were all around me. They were aiming out the window, and preparing to fight... They were planning an ambush, and taking care of a wounded soldier. I don't feel like I sleep even when I do. I wake up sore and tired.
I feel alone, angry and tired.
My aggression is becoming harder to handle.
Nausea and palpatations (pounding heart) have become regular things.
I just want this to stop.