I got back from the field yesterday and wound up spending 4 hours or so at the clinic fixing and finishing some stuff and helping one of my favorite patients.
This particular patient knows me from a lousy situation I found myself in last October or so, and he asked me about it, knowing that I will be a little more vulnerable to repercussions from this incident if, in fact, I do move as I have been told I will. It brought up some sad memories and some really lousy emotions.
I lost control of my emotions a bit last night, and I'm not proud of that, but I am happy I was able to keep it to myself. I handled it better than I'd expected when I first saw it coming.
I'm in a state of transition right now, as I nearly always am, I suppose. I'm in a place where I have to learn how to handle things that I'm clueless about, and I have these goals of who I want to be and what I want to do, but the path there is dark and more or less invisible to my eyes from where I stand. My long-term goals are continually fluctuating, and I wonder if they will ever stand still.
I wonder if I will ever stand still.
My nerves are acting up, I am doubting so many things right now.
More than anything, I am doubting myself.
I'm not in a dark place, not like I have been before, but I know I can get there from here if I don't watch my step.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment