LDRSHIP

LOYALTY
DUTY
RESPECT
SELFLESS SERVICE
HONOR
INTEGRITY
PERSONAL COURAGE

Someone told me that the best leaders are the ones who question themselves, and if they deserve to lead. I don't know if this is something that strikes most folks as untrue, or if it's simply something I haven't come to the point of understanding yet, but I am frustrated with it. I am working hard right now, but I don't see myself as being a leader, or as being someone who stands out amongst my peers. I have always been my own worst critic, but I can't help but think that there must be something I need to be doing better, because the level I'm at just doesn't seem good enough. Don't get me wrong, I've seen people in leadership positions do some things since I've been here that I would never attempt- married NCO's messing around with privates, all sorts of unnecessary sorts of things. However, not being a complete moron simply does not constitute a leader. I'm at a cross roads right now. I am preparing to reenlist. I have the option to reenlist for M6 school, get my LPN, which would, in theory, end up with me getting my BS in nursing, and going green to gold-- or--- I could simply reenlist for duty station of choice, and, hopefully spend some time with my soon-to-be husband before I face deployment and prove myself on the battlefield. I don't know what is the right choice. I want to be a line medic, I love my patients, my soldiers, but I also love the thought of making a better future for my family. I know I will be miserable going back into TRADOC, and I don't think I'll be happy as a nurse in the army, either, but I have no interest in PA school. A nurse in the civilian sector would pretty much be a dream come true, but the two are complete opposites in most cases.
Then there's the Gypsy blood in me that says 'Just sign the damn papers, and let's go where the wind takes us...'
I'm just not sure what the right answer is.
I'm not sure I'll be a good leader when my time comes, and I'm not sure what the best thing for me, my career, and my family is.