Good Night, Sweetheart, Good Night...

I've proven myself wrong over the last few days.
I haven't gotten to speak to Ryan in a few days, as he's been otherwise occupied, and it's been driving me mad.
I had a dark couple days there, where I thought if something didn't happen, if I didn't hear from him, if something didn't change my mind, I'd surely give up.
I didn't.
Ryan is not like anyone else.
Neither am I.
I suppose it should be obvious, even to me, that this relationship wouldn't be like any other, either, but, clearly, this is something I am still learning.
It's taken me nearly five years to get this man to myself. It's almost ridiculous in retrospect, but things happen as they're meant to. It's all falling into place, it's all part of something still larger. I love him, there's just no denying that. Even with everything going on at work right now, he's so much of my drive, my motivation... It's amazing to me how much stronger I feel knowing that these things I do aren't just for my benefit. I'm going to be supporting my family soon- MY FAMILY. My husband. Eventually, my children, as well. I want to do the best I can for us, not just for me. I want Ryan to be proud of me, I want to make a better life for the both of us. I didn't think a stable, happy relationship could make my perspective change so drastically. Then again, I never thought there was anything better than the relationships I'd had before.
(Disclaimer for the civilian sector: I get that it's not JUST mine, but the possesive thing is a bit of a military trait.)
It wasn't that long ago that I had my heart broken pretty badly. I will never forget a certain New Yorker, but I know now that my life is happening exactly as it was intended, and that no shadow is cast without a light. I am truly blessed, and incredibly grateful, to be living this life. I have so much left to learn, but still have come so far...
I love you, Ryan.