Pain Watering The Seeds

I don't have much time, and I hope I will have more this afternoon, but it seems unlikely.
Today has been a madhouse.
I am still diggining into my past to find out more about who I am, and why I am who I am.
This is not an easy process, and there are plenty of people who are none too accepting of my decision to do what it takes to make me okay again. I love my family- including my mother and sister, if there's any question- and I am grateful to have them. However, this isn't Full House or Family Matters. This is real life, and in real life things don't always work as we think they should, and certain types of relationships can take unconventional measures to manage or maintain. I can't allow everyone in my life to take the space in my life they think is appropriate, because I simply would not have enough left over for me. Personalities conflict, and problems arise. This does not mean I love anyone any less, it means I am doing what I must to take care of myself, and attempting to keep the problems to a minimum. I realize it doesn't always look this way from the outside, but this is the truth of the matter.
I have not been okay in a very long time.
Lately, I have gone from a complete wreck to the best I can be.
I have unconventional ways of handling an unconventional life.
I know that I'm going to want to yell at someone on a daily basis.
I know that some times, I'm just going to have to write things down so they won't come out of my mouth without asking for the authorization to do so.
I know that the last night before my week starts, I'm probably going to need to cry before I go to bed, or the sadness that seems to come from no where will spill over into my work week.
I know that when things feel way out of my control, I need to take a shower and freak out a little bit in private so that I don't freak out a lot in public.
I know that there are a few people I can talk to about absolutely anything, and there is simply no end to my gratitude for those people- my husband-to-be is one of them, thankfully.
I have a good life, and a beautiful heart. I do the best I can, and anyone who doesn't believe that shouldn't waste their time with me, because I certainly won't waste my time on them.
I will write more when I'm able.