Companionship And Moving On

I don't know if it's time for a relationship.
I don't know if it's okay to try to be in one right now.
I know Slim is trying his butt off, but I also know how hard and forced it feels for me right now.
I can't question that he cares- I simply can't- but my heart is more locked away than it was when he first started trying to make me part of his life. He's the first guy to see how important it is for me to play, to have fun, to relax- people don't really see that. He also knows I want to wait til marriage- and sticks to that. I'm shutting down big time right now, with everyone. I don't know what I want or need at this point, because there's nothing that makes any sense at all. The things that look like the best thing in the world for me are no less painful or scary than the things that I never want to go through again.
I'm going to Bliss in July... it's "home" in the sense that it's not Korea, and it's where I grew up... but there's not too many places, at this point, that don't stand on an almost equal scale where the word 'home' is concerned right now. This room I live in is as much home as any other place at this point, and that's getting kind of old. I'm tired of hearing people talk about how I'll always have a home with them... I don't know what home is right now, and I'm not sure that I ever have.
I'm really, truly lost and confused right now. Relationships will never be simple, friends will never mean nothing, and maybe home will never be a concrete thing for me.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. I'm not sure how to clear my head. I have to find a way.