Respect Is Just The Minimum

"Respect Is Just The Minimum"- That Thing, by Lauryn Hill
I love this line, and was reminded of it, as I sat at The Hilltop, eating my bulgogi and rice, listening to X Factor, the local Phillipino cover band play.
I've been doing a lot of meditating, praying and introspection lately, trying to figure out exactly where I stand with the whole relationship idea. I have a lot of people in my life who care about me, and am extremely lucky for that. I have also, finally, been fortunate enough to get in contact with a few people who share my Faith, and that has made it a whole lot easier to focus. I suppose some things are just harder for some people, and the struggle with do-I-or-don't-I-want-a-relationship is one I find myself constantly battling.
Then it hit me: What am I giving them to respect?
Okay, so let me explain this... I have been through hell, and come out the other side. Baptized by fire is, in some ways, an understatement. However, people don't look at your past. They look at who you are in this moment, in this day, and that is how they choose whether they want to be part of your life and whether they want to make you a part of theirs. I am worth the time and effort, and damned if I don't know this, but all they see right now is a medic, a woman. Divorced, twenty four years old, no children, not ugly, heavily tattooed... and to some people, these things alone make me worth it. However, the type of person I want in my life for the long run isn't someone who's drawn by something this simple. I want the best for myself, and expect the best from myself. I want to be a Flight Medic because they are, in my opinion, the best of the best. I love the Infantry mentality because they believe they are all there is- the first, last and only line of defense. In their own way, they are. I am a medic, and we are the only people who do what we do. Some more ignorant folks like to think we're glorified CLS, but medicine is my life, not my skill. It is all I want to do, professionally. Do I have room for improvement? Of course- there's nobody in the medical field who doesn't have room for improvement, that's the beauty of medicine. It's always evolving. It's an art more than a science. I love that.
Until I am that Flight Medic with the 300 PT score, the EFMB badge, my stripes, Sgt Audie Murphy board winner, and combat patch, well, I won't be happy. The thing is, each goal I reach will give the people in my life- or who may come into my life- that much more to respect. It's those tangible, undeniable, solid facts- those things that will be put on my ERB, for simplicity- that will show people I am worth getting to know.
My faith, my dreams, my personal accomplishments, all those things are what people will learn once they have decided to let me into their lives. More, these are things people will learn once I have decided to let them into MY LIFE. So, tomorrow, I will wake up, do PT, not choke anyone over whatever BS or last minute changes come my way, and continue on my way. This weekend, go running, hit the gym, and go over medical and board stuff. Sunday, I will see my Baha'i friends, and be grateful for them and for all that God has given me. And I will continue to be the person I want to be, and work towards the person I am determined to be.
I will go through hard times, but this, my friends and family, is the big picture.
((Revelation Princess))