Love & Life

I'm not in a relationship.
I wonder if it's a good idea for me to be right now.
Truth is, I'll never really be sure if it's a good idea for me to be in one or not. I can ask my friends all I want, and I can get what they see- and usually, they're pretty much dead-on about things- but, really, I'll never be sure one way or another.
I've been thinking about the positive lately, as Bones has made me smile quite a bit, despite my suspicion that he'll be gone as fast as anyone else. Even so, I'm enjoying the time I spend with him. I guess that's all you can really do sometimes, right?

I love guys who know how to play. I'm not talking about flirtatious banter- I'm talking about monkey bars, horsing around, chasing each other around the house, pillow fights- PLAYING! That's a must.

Someone with some drive. Lord knows I slack a little bit in this area- I'm not always too certain of what I want, believe it or not, and, at times, I just want the goals to go away and leave me alone for a while. I need someone who has that gonna-get-em attitude when I don't.

Someone who really believes in something, spiritually. It doesn't have to be the same things I do, though it'd be nice to find someone Baha'i, but someone who really believes in it. I have to be able to talk about God, and I'd really like to be with someone who can pray with me. I've never been with someone I can do that with. I tend to feel like women are usually the more spiritually driven parts of relationships, but I need someone with the same kind of foundation, at least.

I like affection-someone comfortable enough with himself to be able to stand behind me with his arms around my waist in public and not get all weird on me. I like someone who leaves one or two small things behind as a reminder that they're not leaving forever- it's probably speaking to my trust issues, but it's a small gesture that helps way more than I'd realized.

I find myself attracted to people with more unique ethnic heritages. A friend of mine is Japanese, Mexican, White and Black. I'm not sure why, and maybe it'd be more difficult growing up that mixed, but I just find it fascinating. It's interesting going through my own heritage- God knows I've got some pretty jagged blood lines- but it always seems more interesting looking at somebody else's. I seem to have a thing for Island Boys too- Jamaica, Haiti, V.I., Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, etc.- although, having grown up in the desert myself, I have no idea what stands out so much about that. Many of the Islanders, I've been informed, tend to keep their emotions very bottled, as well. Opposites attract, perhaps?

I'm really trying to put together a mental composite of what I want. I know better than to think it's that simple- God's idea of what's best for me and my own differ drastically, of course, and He really digs reminding me of that in undeniable ways- but I guess I'd feel better at least knowing what I'm shooting for?

Maybe it doesn't make sense. Maybe it never will.

I'm trying anyway.