There are some decisions that are so far into the gray area that it will throw me for a loop every time.
There are others that appear very clearly black or white, yet my heart places them elsewhere.
I struggle with this, perhaps I always will.
I am tired.
If you do what you've always done, you'll have what you've always had.
So, when will I learn?
I definitely had a lightbulb moment last night, but made another bad choice today.
Start again, it always comes back to starting again.
Friday, I will meet with a fellow Baha'i. This will be the first time I have met someone of this faith since I have so stubbornly adopted it, though I have yet to declare. I pray he's half as down to earth as Jerry, because I've lived long enough to know that shared things don't dictate a connection between two people on any large level. I am more than nervous. Friday will be a big day for me, as I also re-enlist that morning, with the commander of Reaper Nation taking the lead. Saturday, I plan to go up to Camp Humphreys. We'll see how plans work.
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2 comments:
I've found that many decisions are a struggle and always will be while others remain black and white as well. It will never change, but perhaps it will get easier to deal with as time moves on.
Bad choices are okay. . . just another chance for a fresh start!
Good luck with the Baha'i. How long has it been since you adopted it?
I started studying it over a year ago now, but I've only recently been openly claiming it, as having little knowledge about something I felt so strongly about made me feel a bit of a fraud.
It's what I've always believed, and it's a relief to have something like that in my life, and I sure hope that it will help me to focus as much as I think it can. This faith means more to me than I can put in words. Everything is a process, though, so I don't know how, really, to gague how much progress I've made on this one. We'll see, though. Tomorrow is exciting for me, and I love that.
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